A phrase keeps coming to mind the last 2 days. Life is a *****. Yet at the same time, I seem to deal with that fairly well when compared with others. My own life example? I think it’s safe to say it as the person it concerns most likely will never read this. It involves a girl (wow shocker). When I first saw her, I somehow became infatuated with her (at the moment I think I still am). Long story short (a long one would give out too many details I think), I meet up with her in person again and voila: it seems as though she has a boyfriend (I had been told otherwise). So initial disappointment aside, I didn’t feel too bad about it.
Later on in the day, I began to know the guy a bit better. I thought he was a swell guy. I couldn’t hate him, hell I couldn’t really hate the whole situation in general anyway. When I got home though, I confided my situation to a few friends. The really strange part was, I seemed overly happy about the situation when (in theory) I should have been sulking and feeling bad. To be honest, I scared some of those friends as it seemed to them that I had gone mentally insane or something. I left it at that and went to sleep.
After waking up, the realization of what had happened the day before hit me (not a very hard hit mind you). I still didn’t feel too bad about the whole thing and I wasn’t sure why. My reaction definitely was not normal (my friends agreed fully). As I am typing this though, I think I know why now. I have many fears. I have physical fears and mental fears. Some of the related fears this time are: extreme jealousy, obsessiveness, sulking for too long, and awkward situations.
I believe that my overly “happy” reaction to the situation described in paragraph 1 was due to some form of relief. In some ways, this situation was a personal test to see if I were the type of person who would be extremely jealous/overly obsessive/emotional. I feel as though I passed this test with flying colors. It seems I am able to judge others/situations without emotions clouding my mind. A trait that would benefit me greatly.
Thinking back now though, I’m not 100% sure about the obsessiveness part. I’m not sure if I am obsessive or not; time will tell. I get the feeling that more of these “tests” are to come and as weird as it may sound thinking of life this way…it makes sense to me.