Well son of a *****

A phrase keeps coming to mind the last 2 days. Life is a *****. Yet at the same time, I seem to deal with that fairly well when compared with others. My own life example? I think it’s safe to say it as the person it concerns most likely will never read this. It involves a girl (wow shocker). When I first saw her, I somehow became infatuated with her (at the moment I think I still am). Long story short (a long one would give out too many details I think), I meet up with her in person again and voila: it seems as though she has a boyfriend (I had been told otherwise). So initial disappointment aside, I didn’t feel too bad about it.

Later on in the day, I began to know the guy a bit better. I thought he was a swell guy. I couldn’t hate him, hell I couldn’t really hate the whole situation in general anyway. When I got home though, I confided my situation to a few friends. The really strange part was, I seemed overly happy about the situation when (in theory) I should have been sulking and feeling bad. To be honest, I scared some of those friends as it seemed to them that I had gone mentally insane or something. I left it at that and went to sleep.

After waking up, the realization of what had happened the day before hit me (not a very hard hit mind you). I still didn’t feel too bad about the whole thing and I wasn’t sure why. My reaction definitely was not normal (my friends agreed fully). As I am typing this though, I think I know why now. I have many fears. I have physical fears and mental fears. Some of the related fears this time are: extreme jealousy, obsessiveness, sulking for too long, and awkward situations.

I believe that my overly “happy” reaction to the situation described in paragraph 1 was due to some form of relief. In some ways, this situation was a personal test to see if I were the type of person who would be extremely jealous/overly obsessive/emotional. I feel as though I passed this test with flying colors. It seems I am able to judge others/situations without emotions clouding my mind. A trait that would benefit me greatly.

Thinking back now though, I’m not 100% sure about the obsessiveness part. I’m not sure if I am obsessive or not; time will tell. I get the feeling that more of these “tests” are to come and as weird as it may sound thinking of life this way…it makes sense to me.


One thought on “Well son of a *****”

  1. Love the new layout,
    and about your feelings for her, it’s just another test like you said, except it hurt less for you since it wasn’t a full blown relationship that ended before you learned whatever you were supposed to learn from the girl.

    That might not make sense.
    What I’m trying to say is, you learn a bit from each person, and each person is entitled to give you a lesson on life. What she taught you is so valuable and I’m glad you didn’t get.. too hurt 🙂

    You’ll find someone who deserves you, and soon! good luck 😀

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